Archive for Parenting News
Are you in the race for the most spoiled and indulged? The true brat of all spoiled brats? In this obvious satirical article, I thought it might be helpful to provide some coaching for those parents who are in the race for the most spoiled and entitled child on the block.
During the school year, there are practical limits to how much one can pamper a child.However, the summer opens the door to new levels of indulgence. By the end of the summer, we would set some high goals. For example, you must raisefirst graders who expect to play while others read, 2nd graders who show up 90” late each day while carrying a supersized iced coffee to class and by 5th grade, a true superstar brat will demand to carry their cell phones to class and text their mom about how mean the teachers are being.
Three Key Lessons to Raise the Most Entitled, Spoiled Child
Here are my top three
mistakes, oh… I mean lessons… that will help your child to master the art of entitlement.
Lesson #1: Allow your child toknow more than you do about parenting.
The truly spoiled are raised in a home where the child is viewed as the ultimate authority. Lessons you may have learned from your parents, books you may have read, advice from psychologists, as well as your “common sense” must be thrown out the window when faced with a child who is objecting to your wisdom, your consequences, or your limit setting.
Remember: Assume they know more. When it comes to what’s healthy, of course…they should choose fast food. When it comes to mature video games, like Call of Duty, of course they should own it. When it comes to bedtime, unquestionably your kids know better what is good for them.
This is a great start…but really, it’s only the beginning…
Lesson #2: Work harder at your children’s happiness; work harder at your children’s success and work harder at your children’s lives than they do.
This lesson is one of those “insider secrets” that must be considered carefully when in the race for the GOLD. If your child is given homework, made sure that you prod, push, negotiate… and ultimately work harder at solving their homework problems than they do. For any serious projects, you must stay up late while they go to bed. If your child is unhappy, negative, and asking you to ‘fix-it’ so they can be happy, then you must go ahead and fix-it. Do this repeatedly!
Work harder at solving their problems. Work harder at everything in their life.
Brat building lesson #3: Never set limits, and teach them that reality will always conform to their whining, demanding and complaining.
This is really an ultimate brat building secret…a true foundation of the spoiled and entitled. In the real world, effort is related to results. This is reality.
However, the truly entitled child must be protected from these rules of reality. If exposed, they might begin to realize that effort is required, and that consequences come with choices. At all costs, if we want a child who is fully indoctrinated in the ways of entitlement, we must give them what they want when they whine or complain. Please, never insist on real effort or contribution!
The best of the entitled are raised to presume that the limits that apply to others do not apply to them. They shouldn’t have to follow the rules, and if they break the rules, mom and dad MUST rescue them from the consequences.
They shouldn’t have to work when something is difficult. They should have no chores. They should get paid for taking their plate to the dishwasher, or picking up their room. And when disrespectful, just surrender and given them what they want.
Those are my three key lessons to raising the spoiled and super indulged. However, if brat building does not appeal to you, then simply do the opposite! And smile…as you do so!
Greetings. I want to welcome you to a new series of articles, focused first on explaining the fundamentals of Terrific Parenting. These are the principles that allow you to build responsibility, nurture optimism and teach your children to enjoy the self-fulfilling rewards of right effort.
After laying out these principles over the weeks ahead, I will then dig into making those principles practical: In other words, how do we apply these in daily life so that you can build the healthy habits of success in your home.
For those of you who have followed Terrific Parenting, you may have noticed a pause in my writing. This was due primarily to health related challenges. I have been humbled , and have a much greater daily appreciation for the gift of vitality, energy and just simply … feeling good! I aspire to add more tools for building appreciation, happiness and optimism into my writings, and will create a separate series later this spring on these topics.
As my health is now back on track, I begin this series by outlining the first of 12 principles to be revealed in the weeks ahead. These posts will expand upon the content I am creating for The Saratogian.
Terrific Parenting: New Beginnings
I am pleased to be writing again. In honor of this somewhat new beginning, I will start with a series of articles that cover the fundamental principles that build optimism, responsibility and success in your home. These principles stand at the core of how we have influence and build healthy habits in our home. Let’s begin:
Principle 1: Parenting Clarity Is Parenting Power.
This principle is about the importance of having a clear, undiluted focus for your family and for your parenting approach. Too often in today’s world, we can become bombarded with different messages of how to parent, what to think about and what to focus on. Included in these various messages are often the opinions of those with relatively little exposure outside their own home or family. With the world of blogging and Facebook, everyone has a voice. Individual expression and creativity are allowed to prosper in this model, and the future is exciting.
However, not every voice that offers guidance should be valued equally. Too many voices causes confusion. Too many ideas means that you keep changing direction, and trying new things…before the more proven, data-based approaches have been exhausted.
As I begin this series, I will encourage what we might call a “consolidation” of parenting ideas and strategies. By this I simply mean, that the wide majority of the behavioral research on parenting, as well as most parenting books can be boiled down to about twelve basic ideas that you need to know.
Of these basic ideas, many are made more complex than they need be. My goal here is to keep it simple, and to keep it real.
So, what do I suggest you do with all those books? Those Parenting magazines? The good advice others, like me, promote on the Internet.
I suggest something profoundly simple: TEST.
TEST IT. Be willing to honestly put the idea or strategy to the test. If it works, great. If not, discard it.
How long do you test? Weeks, not months…if the strategy is built on proven principles.
If you are reading or practicing a set of proven parenting principles, you shouldn’t have to keep fighting or struggling over and over with your kids. You shouldn’t have to make things more and more complex, feeling like you are constantly adjusting to a new a set of conditions. This is a sign that you are off track. If you are using the tools that make parenting work more easily, then three major things should happen quickly:
If you have confusion, you have too many ideas floating around in your head 🙂 Okay, honestly…that’s true for most of us. But when it comes to parenting…too many ideas will result in a failure to take action… RIGHT when you need to take action.
You get overwhelmed, and then hesitate. When you hesitate, your children see this. They see your uncertainty…your not knowing what to do next. This means…
2. You should know how to respond to your kids, immediately….regardless of what they throw at you.
Okay, not 100% of the time… but 98% of the time… a good game plan should eliminate your confusion. You know what to do, and you do it without pause. This then lets you see…
3. Changes should happened quickly, when you have the right parenting tools.
Rather than months or years, change should happen in days or weeks (for most parenting struggles). Contrary to much of what you read, children are remarkably resilient and they respond with remarkable adaptability to a clear and consistent game plan. They will learn to drop bad habits quickly, and adopt healthy habits rapidly…once you have clarity.
In a few days, I will cover principle two. Can you guess what single factor most quickly destroys the best parenting practice, and actually lays the seed for bigger failure. Perhaps you already guessed it. If not, I will cover this Wednesday.
For now, consider making life simpler. Put most of those books in the closet for now. Take a break.
And turn to those principles that actually have proven that they work. BY proven, I mean that there is a noticeable movement toward positive, productive and responsible behavior. Your child has learned to handle their emotions better. You are working less…and they are working more… at their happiness. These would all be pointers to successful strategies worth keeping.
If you want more immediate guidance, I always encourage you to check out more information on www.TerrificParenting.com.
For now, take care…
and Be Well…
Randy Cale, PhD