The Art of Holding Our Opinions Lightly…

“Once upon a time there was a wise Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. That evening, all of his neighbors came around to commiserate. They said, “We are so sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate.” The farmer said, “Maybe.”

The next day the horse came back bringing seven wild horses with it, and in the evening everybody came back and said, “Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events. You now have eight horses!” The farmer again said, “Maybe.”

The following day his son tried to break one of the horses, and while riding it, he was thrown and broke his leg. The neighbors then said, “Oh dear, that’s too bad,” and the farmer responded, “Maybe.”

The next day the army’s officers came around to enlist people into the army as war was upon them, and they rejected his son because he had a broken leg. Again all the neighbors came around and said, “Isn’t that great!” Again, he said, “Maybe.” (Alan Watts)

Why ‘Maybe’ is the More Easeful and Accurate Path?

As this story suggests, life is filled with unpredictable events that often seem to present with a clear consequence. However, the wise farmer had seen enough years of life to be weary of rapid conclusions about the true impact of events. While his neighbors reacted with quick judgments based on the apparent consequence of the events, the farmer refused to jump to such conclusions.

Such wisdom seems self-apparent in light of this short parable. The farmer’s understanding suggests perhaps a relatively quiet inner voice, not chattering internally with arguments about whether the event is good or bad. The ‘maybe’ perspective suggests that life had taught him to accept events without resistance and appreciate the unforeseeable complexity built into everything that happens.

Notice there are two main benefits from this perspective. First, there is the apparent lack of emotional drama and turmoil that most of us experience. Life for the farmer is more easeful.

Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, his perspective is more accurate. Most events that bring strong reactions in today’s world can almost always be viewed differently as time passes. Certainly, there are exceptions.

However, for most of us, the daily dramas we experience are far from the exceptions. Yet, over and over, we ‘choose’ to react as if we ‘know’ what the meaning indeed will be a year or ten years from now.

We can’t KNOW as much as we think we do. Only time will tell the true meaning.

Yet, in the heat of a moment, how many of us have argued, fought, and expressed rather horrible things that seemed stupid, ill-intentioned, and ultimately inaccurate a day later? Better still, how many of us can remember why we were screaming and yelling at a loved one just a week later?

Give it a month or a year later, how much of that daily drama was genuinely worth the emotional price you and others, perhaps, paid?

I would argue very, very little.

It’s All About the Scope of Time.

By scope, I mean our perspective on time. Do we trust our immediate perception of things by looking only at this moment, or do we take a step back and consider that we can’t know what this event may bring? Surely, we can all find the value in holding our initial conclusions lightly. Let’s consider some simple and typical examples:

• Remember that hot date you couldn’t wait on and the remarkable dud it turned out to be?
• How about that fantastic job you fought so hard to get, but now you hate it?
• And the big new house you loved but now find exhausting to keep clean?
• What about your daughter’s excellent grades that later got her into that fantastic college, only to see her stressed and exhausted by the pressure of performance and ready to quit?
• How about your son making the varsity team but sitting on the bench all season?
• And remember that politician you hated years ago, now only to look back and think, ‘Oh, but that was the good ole days?’

Why Not Maybe?

This list could go on and on, with history proving to all of us that our views should be held much more lightly than we do. We would be kinder to ourselves and others, and wouldn’t that be nice for a change? Waiting and letting time reveal both the wisdom and the complexity of life. Our minds like to keep things simple so we can judge right or wrong and good or bad. But it’s just not that simple, and, most importantly, it’s often inaccurate.

Why not consider a more peaceful path so you can be kinder to yourself and others? I invite you to try it for a week or two. Instead of commenting or reacting as you typically do, adopt the inner caution of the farmer and gently think to yourself… maybe…just maybe.