Misery Loves Company

Indeed, you have heard this saying before. It’s been around for centuries and remains as accurate today as it was for Sophocles in ancient Greece. The tendency for ‘misery’ to want to share itself with others has remained unchanging over the years and through every political and religious revolution. In last week’s article, we discussed how anger is fed by focusing on and habitually complaining about what makes us angry.

We extend our discussion on the power of focus by considering how thoughts like to repeat themselves, whether it’s anxiety, anger, or other forms of misery.

Every Thought/Belief Seeks to Be Fed. It Needs Fuel.

Whenever a thought arises, regardless of its source, you might think of it as a tiny living entity. It stays strong if it gets sufficient energy and attention. One source of that energy is our ruminating, worrying, and recapitulating of the thought. It is equally potent for ‘thought fuel’ in engaging with others to share and get attention for our thoughts.

We have a natural tendency to share our struggles and complaints with others. Their response, however helpful or not, serves as supercharged fuel to keep those thoughts alive and well-fed for another day.

Thus, if we want to change our habits of misery-making thoughts, we must master how much energy we give to the thoughts that keep showing up.

Feed them, and they must grow. That’s the law of thoughts and the emotions that flow from them.

In today’s emerging world, we have unlimited access to great information and potentially informative, positive, and uplifting messages. We also have access to any information about anything, thus allowing for learning and mastering almost any topic.

On the other hand, there is immediate access to an infinite array of misery-supporting commentaries and content. We can share our misery with others personally through social media or simply tune in to those media stars who stir up fear and misery in our hearts. There are a wide range of options beyond this as well.

The point is this: Misery wants to be fed. And it stays alive when we feed the thoughts and beliefs that keep us agitated, angry, fearful, and unhappy. We must do something about this if we want to change where and how we find happiness in our lives.

Confronting the Mythology that Binds Misery to Misery

Myth 1. Complaining Is Sharing, And That Is Useful

We tend to complain about our lives, neighbors, boss, or even the kids and seek a compassionate ear. We feel that we want to share, yet we ‘share’ the same or similar stories repeatedly.

Truth: Every complaint makes us a victim. We never find happiness in that moment.

Instead, commit today to end all your complaints. Yes, all of them. Take this seriously, and just do it for a week. No complaints about your body, your sleep, your kids, your spouse, your government, your president, your job… everything. If you do this, your power is now in play, opening the door for real change. Your attention can leave the past and return to this moment.

Truth: Complaining Does Create Connection with Others, But Misery Comes Along

Indeed, we bind readily with others of similar thought by settling a few complaints. We feel connected, and we are! However, good ole misery must accompany the ride if we choose to complain as the path to friendship and connection.

Myth 2: Focus on what’s wrong in the world so that we can fix it. Certainly, this is useful.

No, it’s not. Not really…if we want happiness. (Ninety-nine percent of the time, this focus is just about complaining. It’s not about fixing anything.)

Of course, I would sound silly to suggest that there is no audience for those who can do this with a loud, angry, or clever voice. There is a huge audience, both in your neighborhood and across the globe, who seek to engage in discussing and complaining about what is wrong with the world. And it’s okay to do this if you like misery.

Truth: We become what we think about most. (But only 100% of the time.)

Thus, when we spend most of our time complaining and finding misery through our focus and sharing, we become THAT emotion that we repeatedly nurture with our attention. For an abundant sense of satisfaction and happiness today, I simply must have my attention somewhere else.

Myth 3: The future is where to focus. Certainly, solace is found there.

Focusing on the future is undoubtedly essential in setting and attaining goals. Setting goals and intentions is valuable. These give us direction and inspiration and often add to our purpose.

Truth: Focusing on lists, goals, and the future can create lots of waiting for life to happen.

However, we do not want to live in the constant sense of waiting. Waiting to finish the list. Waiting to feel better. Waiting for someone or something to help us along. Waiting to have more time to find happiness.

Goals help to give direction, like setting your GPS. But to enjoy life, we must be present for the ride and not anticipate every turn. Such clarity offers a critical distinction.

The great stuff is right in front of us now. This is what deserves our full attention and entire presence. If we don’t like what is in front of us, change where you focus your attention and stop complaining about the rest. The constant complaints and sharing of that negativity with ourselves and others trap misery as our best friend. YUK. Who wants misery as your personal escort through every moment of the day?

Declare freedom from misery by confronting each of these mythologies. Seek to be present, finding ways to be grateful for the many gifts we have in life.