False Hope Arises Again

I just got off the phone with someone asking about what we do in our Clinic, and described intense struggles with ADHD, and it’s impact on work, home and relationships. Nothing has worked for her yet. She said all the right things – “Yes…okay… I see” – but not the kind of “yes” that screams, “I’m ready to change my life!” More like the “yes” you give your dentist when they ask if you’ve been flossing.

Spoiler alert: She’s not going to change. At least, not yet.

But here’s the kicker – it’s not just her. It’s me. It’s you. It’s everyone with a pulse and a Netflix password. We chase good information like it’s on sale at Target, and then, poof-by bedtime, it’s gone. You watched that inspiring TED Talk, nodded thoughtfully, and maybe even told your spouse about it. But today? You couldn’t recall it if I offered you ten bucks.

Why? Because False Hope is Normal.

Let’s take the shame out of this, shall we? This isn’t about being broken, lazy, or a walking psychological crisis. It’s about being human. Beautiful, forgetful, comfort-loving humans who say one thing and do another… often for years. Sometimes decades. We hear powerful, even life-changing stuff – and then happily ignore it while watching cat videos.

Over the years, I’ve seen brilliant, well-meaning parents attend my seminars, nod emphatically, take notes like they’re prepping for a PhD… and then nothing changes. Nada. Zilch. Why?

Because doing nothing is entirely normal.

Why We Keep Forgetting Life-Changing Stuff

Let’s keep it simple: we forget. Not because we’re forgetful in the “lost-my-keys” way, but because our minds are more comfortable with what they already know. New information? That’s suspicious. Possibly dangerous. Probably wrong. So, our ego slams the door shut and says, “Yeah, we’re good here.”

And then there’s momentum – oh, that sneaky brain momentum. Like a freight train of habits, our brain keeps chugging along the tracks it’s always used. Even if we know there’s a shortcut to peace, success, or happy children… we stay on the same clunky ride. Neurofeedback shows us this in the repetitive brainwave patterns we produce, but honestly, look at our New Year’s Resolution habits, and we can see how this works. Over and over again, patterns repeat with rare moments of significant change.

Fear also likes to show up uninvited. Change means uncertainty. Uncertainty means possible failure, discomfort, or worse – more work. No thanks! For many of us, life already feels like we’re juggling flaming swords, so the idea of effort? Nope. Pass the chips.

But again – this is normal. Truly. Almost everyone gets inspired, makes a mental note (i.e, FALSE HOPE), and then goes back to their regularly scheduled programming.

But Then There Are the Outliers…

Not everyone sticks to the script. Some people are… well, abnormal. They are the outliers.

They’re abnormally committed. Abnormally productive. Abnormally seeking to make things better. And, their kids do homework without being bribed, eat healthy foods and treat others with respect. They exercise without whining about it or making a fuss on social media. What;s wrong with these people?

Nothing. They’ve just ditched “normal.” They don’t follow the herd. They’re not seeking average and definitely not settling for “maybe someday.”

When these clients show up, I never hear the words, “I will try.” Instead, they do. And they do the brave, the difficult and the uncommon. And mostly, it’s the uncommon action that sets them apart. NOT the uncommon chatter. So, one secret to joyful success?

Be An Outlier

Think differently. Act differently. Let the herd keep running in circles while you quietly build the life you actually want. Yes, it requires effort. Yes, it can be scary. But if you desire deep satisfaction and extraordinary results, you need to venture into the world of the uncommon.

Your Tiny Homework (Don’t Worry—No Grade)

This week, pay attention to how many inspiring ideas, videos, quotes, and advice bombs float by you like bubbles in the wind – and how often you do absolutely nothing with them. No guilt. Just notice. Jot a few down if you like. Maybe even revisit one. Dust it off. Give it another shot.

Pick a favorite and find a podcast or two about the idea. Take action to keep an appealing idea ‘top of mind’ by keeping it in front of you. Perhaps write it down or share the idea with someone. Let it percolate, so to speak, with no expectation of change (for now).

Next week, I’ll share some surprisingly doable tips to help you step off the “normal” path. Then, you can see if you find it satisfying as well. Until then, watch your brain do its thing. It’s fascinating – and sometimes hilarious.

At Capital District Neurofeedback, we help individuals and families break free from the frustrating cycle of “trying harder” without results. Through evidence-based behavioral strategies and cutting-edge Neurofeedback technology, Dr. Cale offers a clear, practical path for those ready to ditch the status quo and step into real, lasting change. Whether you’re seeking calmer kids, sharper focus, or a more peaceful mind, Capital District Neurofeedback provides the tools – and support – to help you follow that delightfully “abnormal path to success.