(800) 743-2134
Email via Form
Login
[miniorange_social_login]

Login with your site account

Lost your password?

Dr. Randy Cale Dr. Randy Cale
  • Neurofeedback
  • Products
  • About
  • Blog
  • Neurofeedback
  • Products
  • About
  • Blog
  • Home
  • All About Life
  • Kids Negotiate with Parents Who…Negotiate!

All About Life

26 May

Kids Negotiate with Parents Who…Negotiate!

  • By Admin
  • In All About Life, Arguing & Fighting, Parent Coaching
  • 0 comment
  • / Reading Time: 4 minutes
kids-negotiate-with-parents

Many of you have negotiators in your home. It’s a constant struggle. And it’s exhausting. Others have kids who argue with you constantly, and again, it’s an exhausting struggle. Some of you have complainers, and it frustrates you.

But there is very rapid relief for you if you can begin to see that the issue is not with your children…but with how YOU respond to your children. Of course, children are influenced in many ways, but their behavior around Mom and Dad is primarily shaped by one thing. And it’s not their friends. It’s not the teacher. It’s not the other parent if divorced.

It’s you. How you respond determines if a pattern unfolds into a misery-making habit, or it fades away. But let’s be clear: certainly, moments or unwanted words or behavior will appear. This may not be your doing. However, the growth of a moment into a pattern of unwanted behavior is typically based upon the pattern of parenting. Here’s the bottom line to consider:

  • Children ONLY Negotiate with Parents Who Negotiate
  • Children ONLY Argue with Parents Who Argue
  • Children Only Complain with Parents Who Complain Back

Over and over, it is our interest in the unwanted moments that sustain those moments. If you can fully grasp that, and then manage your behavior accordingly, your life will be free of whining, arguing, and negotiating.

However, the two critical steps mentioned above are worthy of systematizing. In other words, take this casually and you will likely fail. Take it seriously and create your own system for handling these issues and you will succeed. Here is my suggestion for such a system.

The Simple System To End Negotiating, Arguing, And Whining

1. Proclaim Your Mistake And Be Humble

Here is where you let your kids giggle and point fingers at you. You eat a little humble pie and acknowledge your mistake. Explain that you have argued, whined, and negotiated with them…when you shouldn’t have. And apologize for this. They will find it funny, and perhaps your teen will tell you how much they knew you were wrong.

2. Proclaim Your Future Disinterest

The next part will not be so funny for your kids. Now you explain your disinterest in their future negotiating, arguing, and whining. Let them know that your decisions will not change, but that you simply will not argue or try to convince them. Likewise, they are free to complain but you will not respond in any way or try to convince them to do otherwise.

You will simply be disinterested. Completely and totally disinterested.

3. When It Gets Ugly…Walk Away.

You can bet it will likely get ugly once the rubber meets the road. In other words, when you implement this fully, you will be ignoring and walking away from something THEY WANT. And you can bet they will get upset. So, you must be prepared for this, and ready to walk away without trying to change or adjust or fix their upset.

4. Let Them Have Their Moment

As you walk away, the key is to allow them to have their moment. Don’t get into it with them. Don’t try to teach them or talk them through it help them understand it rationally. If they escalate, allow this moment to come…and go. Eventually, it always goes. Please remember this.

5. Resolve: Stick To This For Twenty Years

If you see that this works, and it will stay resolved to this plan throughout their childhood. Don’t get soft.

You Can Do It.

This simple system requires that you are firmly resolved to stay out of the arguments, the negotiations, and the (often) endless whining and complaints about homework, teachers, coaches, and siblings.

I know… it’s hard to ignore these things! Many kids are experts at finding ways to create an argument or to negotiate over every little item. The battles seem endless, as do their efforts to try to bargain their way out of every bit of homework or having to clean up their room. They will do everything they can to pull you back into their battle or struggle.

But if you can see that a happier home exists for everyone, if you can do this, then you will hold the course. It’s a new school year, and the perfect time to start this now. Buckle down…and do it!

Tags:arguingnegotiatingparentingparenting patternsparenting systemwhining
  • Share:
Admin

You may also like

tough-times

Yes… It’s Tough Times

  • March 30, 2022
  • by Admin
  • in All About Life
No doubt. Tough times. And for many, very, very tough times. When living on very little, having nothing now...
little-girl-playing
The Google Brain: Questions Matter Now More Than Ever!
March 16, 2022
happy-flourishing-family
Flourishing This Year: Part 2
March 8, 2022
flourish-this-year
Thoughts On How To Flourish This Year
February 28, 2022

Leave A Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get The Latest Updates

delivered by follow.it

Categories

  • All About Life (35)
  • All Posts (185)
  • Brain Neurofeedback (25)
    • Addiction (4)
    • ADHD (8)
    • Anxiety (7)
    • Autism-Aspergers (2)
    • Brain Mapping Assessment (QEEG) (3)
    • Depression (3)
    • Insomnia (2)
    • Migraines (1)
    • Neurofeedback Research (11)
    • What is Neurofeedback (3)
  • Parent Coaching (136)
    • Accountability & Responsibility (5)
    • Active Exercise & Movement (2)
    • Active Ignoring (1)
    • ADD & ADHD (4)
    • Anxiety & Fear (10)
    • Appreciation & Gratitude (2)
    • Arguing & Fighting (5)
    • Behavior Issues (14)
    • Behavior Topics (17)
    • Chores (6)
    • Communication (14)
    • Computers (2)
    • Confident Child (2)
    • Daily Routines (7)
    • Defiant Child (8)
    • Divorce (3)
    • Family Rules & Limits Setting (4)
    • Goals & Priorities (3)
    • Happiness (15)
    • Healthy Habits (10)
    • Holidays & Vacation (10)
    • Homework (6)
    • In The News (7)
    • Motivation (3)
    • Parenting News (1)
    • Parenting Styles & Role (4)
    • Public Behavior (2)
    • Respect (2)
    • Routines & Structure (6)
    • School Related (2)
    • Self-Esteem (3)
    • Siblings Battles (1)
    • Strong Willed (3)
    • Technology (2)
    • Teenagers (2)
    • Work At Home (1)

Recent Posts

  • How To Eliminate Procrastination
  • Twas the Night Before Christmas
  • Yes… It’s Tough Times
  • The Google Brain: Questions Matter Now More Than Ever!
  • Flourishing This Year: Part 2

GET IN TOUCH

(800) 743-2134

634 Plank Rd, Clifton Park, NY 12065.

8am to 7pm Mon-Wed, Thu & Fri (PAO)

USEFUL LINKS

  • Terrific Parenting
  • Terms & Conditions
  • Success Stories
  • Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • Secure Shopping

Social Links

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Pinterest
  • Youtube

Newsletter

Discover The 12 Secrets of Nurturing
Your Child’s Self Esteem


Dr. Randy Cale | Copyright © 2023 | All Rights ReservedThimPress powered by WordPress | Customized & Maintained by RJA

  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Products