The Fragile Young Adult
We were just chatting with a local co-op farmer, and we heard what many of you have experienced. Good folks… just can’t take the slightest criticism… so I am dancing on eggshells all the time.”
Employers across the country are facing a challenge that can no longer be ignored. Many young adults, bright and capable on paper, are walking away from jobs after the smallest conflict or constructive feedback. They are defensive when corrected, quick to quit when uncomfortable, and often return home, claiming the workplace was “toxic” when it was simply holding them accountable.
Parents are witnessing the same pattern. Sons and daughters in their twenties retreat to the comfort of home when life becomes even modestly difficult. These are not cases of cruelty or exploitation. They are the predictable result of raising a generation shielded from discomfort, denied the lessons of failure, and offered constant reassurance in place of honest feedback.
The Path To Misery is Paved With Good Intentions…
This fragile, coddling and protecting approach was born of good intentions. Parents, and the mental health community, decided that is was important preserve self-esteem, so they softened the blows of disappointment, fixed problems before consequences set in, and often explained away shortcomings. The unspoken message was consistent: mistakes are dangerous, criticism is an attack, and someone else will make things right.
This does not produce resilience. It produces fragility. Without repeated opportunities to meet challenges and recover from them, young people enter adulthood without the emotional strength to withstand the inevitable friction of life. Life will have friction, disappointment, struggles, heartache and feedback. Will it be delivered perfectly? Maybe not, but this is part of developing resilience as we realize that we are not the feedback.
Parents: It’s Not Too Late
To change this, parents must begin allowing children to experience the connection between choices and outcomes. That means letting small failures happen, instead of rushing to rescue them. It means making feedback a normal part of life-calm, respectful, and clear, without excessive sugar-coating.
It means separating love from performance: showing that love is unconditional, while still holding firm to boundaries and expectations. It means encouraging children to solve their own problems before stepping in, and modeling resilience by taking criticism yourself, adapting, and moving forward.
This is not about being harsh. It is about trusting children enough to let them face discomfort, while offering support without interference. Protecting them from every struggle is not love-it is fear disguised as kindness. Children raised with honest feedback and real consequences learn to stand on their own and approach the world with confidence instead of fragility.
We must remember that life will not slow down, soften, or rearrange itself to protect someone from discomfort. The sooner children experience the truth that the world is not here to shield them, the sooner they begin to adapt, take ownership, and see feedback as a friend rather than a foe.
Too Easy… Makes Life Very, Very Hard.
As part of this, the world has become too easy for them. Many are living at home, have their parents’ credit card, blazing fast internet, modern computer, a comfortable bed, plenty of food and to top it all – no responsibilities around the house. What unconscious expectations emerge from this life? Typically, this has been evolving for some time, and change is required.
The more we make life easy for our kids, the harder reality becomes. Just look. You can’t miss it.
We strengthen only with testing, with struggle, with working our way through without instant relief from mom or dad. This generation has remarkable potential. They are creative, technologically savvy, and deeply aware of issues facing our communities. But potential without resilience is like a sports car without an engine-it looks good, but it won’t go far. Our job as parents, educators, and mentors is to ensure the engine is built strong through challenge, discipline, and accountability.
If we fail to prepare them, the fragile young adult of today becomes the disengaged, frustrated middle-aged adult of tomorrow. But if we do the hard work now-allowing them to fall, to crash, and to get back up-we give them the gift of self-respect and the power to shape their own future. That is a legacy worth fighting for.
At Capital District Neurofeedback, we work with young adults and families to build the self-regulation, focus, and emotional steadiness that resilience requires. Through neurofeedback and targeted coaching, fragile young adults learn to calm the over-reactive brain, meet challenges without retreat, and develop the confidence to thrive in a world that will not tiptoe around them.
If we want the next generation to flourish, we must give them the strength to face reality head-on, knowing they have the capacity to adapt, learn, and grow from every experience. It must start now, as these patterns do not self-correct. They only worsen with time.
