The Data Is Conclusive: It’s Time to Step Up

In the past, many authors, including myself, have written several articles about the emerging issues with children and adolescents growing up with smartphones in their hands. As time moves on, research is becoming more and more conclusive.

Children and adolescents are the most anxious, stressed-out, fearful, insecure, unfocused, and depressed generation on record. Yet, they live in a world with more entertainment, knowledge, and access to resources than any generation before them. We must start to take note of some root causes.

Smart Phones and Unrestricted Access to The Good, Bad & Ugly.

The emergence of the ever-connected smartphone has sprung upon us, with little preparation for managing the phone and the consequences of poor management. Growing concerns about the influence of social media, access to inappropriate content, and the nature of unmonitored and unrestricted text conversations have many parents worried and concerned. Yet, often little changes.

Research suggests that many parents check their children’s phones and computers to examine websites visited and text trails. However, not enough parents do this, and far more do not do it consistently.

The Real Problem: Technology Evolved at Light Speed. You Must Catch Up.

This is a real problem. Most of you reading this article have good kids… I am sure. However, many good kids are eventually swayed by the pull of peers, the allure of the forbidden and the curiosity of the unknown. Even more problematic is the more challenging, oppositional or defiant child who will actually pursue the forbidden with great intensity and effort. These kids will work hard to get around casual limits and do so with success.

In the last several years, we have now become aware of the significant decline in self-esteem suffered by most adolescent girls. This problem evolved hand-in-hand with rapidly escalating trends in anxiety and depression. How rapid? In 2010, reported rates of anxiety and depression were at 12%. In 2022, rates were at 28%, and little has changed post COVID.

Why? These dreadful outcomes seem to parallel the obsession many teenage girls have with social media, and particularly the posting photos of themselves and viewing photos of their peers, and the resulting comments that occur from those posts.

This is not a singular problem, however, but we must begin to consider the role of the smartphone and other technology in the decline of our children’s mental health.

I find many parents have a thought process is that not current with the evolution of technology. In my view, you must catch up. You must stay ahead of this from a management perspective. For many of you, there is a tendency to allow too much autonomy early on, because kids rarely push that hard on limits in the initial stages of having their first smart phone. The ten-year-old with a new phone often doesn’t know there is forbidden content and if they do, it’s not of interest. We can get lax and develop a false sense of comfort and ease, as occasional scans of the phone reveal little of concern.

All of this changes with age and a bit of time. They mature, their interests change, their peers send them information, and they connect more intensely. Their role models change, and they may or may not be healthy pointers for them. Social media has started to provide instant entertainment, and the phone can easily demand their repeated attention.

What You Don’t Know…Will Hurt Your Kids. So You Must Know.

Familiar apps that once seemed healthy suddenly offer a new feature that invites them into the forbidden. New apps that ‘everyone has’ seem innocent enough, as you can find nothing there, yet the content has automatically disappeared. You are checking ‘history’ on their phones, and find nothing of concern. They are always plugged in when they listen to music, so you assume it’s not that bad.

Yet, behavior is changing in your home. Is it just those hormone-driven teenage years? Is it normal? Isn’t this what most kids are doing?

If the ‘new normal’ keeps moving the line of vulgarity, violence, and disrespect…are you going to let it define your home, your values, and your limits?

Are you willing to allow your teenager to define her/his self-esteem based on her/his 24/7 access to the reactive opinions of others?

Your influence begins to dwindle as your child ages and moves through those teenage years. That’s just a fact. However, as others have more impact, you still have a voice. You have power. You can make a difference. You can still choose the normal for your home.

However, if you are unaware, then you have no data. You have no basis for better decisions. Most families I see do not know what their kids discuss, post, or chat about. Yet, the research suggests that much of these communications increase anxiety rather than relieve stress.

I find the ‘new normal’ communications for many teens remarkably disrespectful of adults and filled with easy-flowing profanity. There is often little regard for the hard work and efforts of mom and dad to build a life of ease and comfort.

Equally problematic is the degree to which many teenage boys find easy access to a level of increasingly realistic violent video games, with many parents unaware of the impact of such repeated violence.

There is more to be said about all of these topics, and I will share some thoughts on them in the weeks ahead. Notice what you see in your home and your children’s world. How much energy and attention involves an obsession with a device?

Let this be a pointer as you listen to your heart. You will know whether this is serving them and whether change is needed. Likely, for many, a shift is required. Please consider less talk and more action in this arena. It will serve you and your children.